NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS

The holidays are behind us and so comes a new year with new possibilities. As we excitedly begin 2018, it’s a time to reflect on the past year and what we’ve accomplished and many, including the U, are eagerly looking for and setting goals for the year ahead. You may include some of the common New Year’s Resolutions like lose weight, spend less, save more, learn something new or enjoy life to the fullest, but what about the University of Utah’s goals? Take a look at a few goals for 2018 from some our colleges and deans (some more serious than others):

College of ENGINEERING
Dean Richard B. Brown

The University of Utah’s College of Engineering is known for its success in large-scale research endeavors. Our goal in 2018 is to assemble a team of multidisciplinary investigators to bring Santa Claus into the 21st century through a comprehensive energy assessment and high-tech make-over. Benchmarks will include the development of:

  • Fuel-efficient all-electric sleigh with on-board navigation; LED lights for foggy nights; self-parking capability on roofs; and collision avoidance with chimneys and antennae. Also, Bluetooth for hands-free communication with elves back at the North Pole.
  • Ultralight Santa suit with heat sensors to regulate body temperature across global climates.
  • Laser distance meter to determine chimney dimensions and rebreather to help Santa avoid exposure to hazardous carbon deposits.
  • Online Christmas letter submission with data analytics and computer modeling to determine naughty or nice eligibility, and predictive capability for most-popular toys
  • Fitness wristband to monitor Santa’s caloric intake of cookies and milk vs. energy-expended and cardiac output in down-chimney exercises.
  • Auto-focus Santa glasses that adjust automatically to long-distance or low light conditions.

College of Nursing
Dean Patricia Gonce Morton

Your resolution: Lose weight.
Our resolution: Family nurse practitioners will help you make healthier food choices and boost your activity levels.

Your resolution: Drink less.
Our resolution: Psychiatric/mental health nurse practitioners will help you process the feelings of anxiety and depression that contribute to excessive drinking.

Your resolution: Get out of debt.
Our resolution: We will help you manage the psychological components of excessive spending to reduce whim and credit card purchases.

Your resolution: Spend more time with family.
Our resolution: BirthCare HealthCare nurses will help you maintain a healthy pregnancy and deliver your baby.

Your resolution: Achieve a better work-life balance.
Our resolution: All of the above.

College of Humanities

We all want world peace in 2018, right? The College of Humanities has set a few New Years’ resolutions to save the day (and the world):

  • The Communication Department resolves to teach free YouTube tutorials on how to spot fake news using the latest in media literacy strategy
  • The English Department resolves to teach free classes for internet trolls on proper grammar and punctuation
  • The Philosophy Department resolves to teach free classes for internet users on how to form compelling arguments and when to stop feeding the trolls
  • The International Studies Programs resolve to host “get to know your neighbor” parties to promote cultural awareness and understanding
  • The Environmental Humanities Program resolves to bring together the world’s premiere environmental activists to protect us from environmental destruction
  • The History Department resolves to give our legislators free classes titled, “If You Don’t Know History, You’re Doomed to Repeat It.”
  • The Religious Studies program resolves to pray for us all.

S.J. QUINNEY College of LAW

In the interest of avoiding self-incrimination, the S.J. Quinney College of Law pleads the Fifth.

College of Architecture + Planning
Dean Keith Diaz Moore

Blueprint for a successful 2018: Go outside and get inspired

It may seem counterintuitive for an architect, but my New Year’s Resolution is to Go Outside and Get Inspired.
Take a moment to marvel at the mountains as they challenge us to aspire greatly. When inversions make me lose sight of them, I find that not only are my lungs constrained, but so, too, is my spirit. Find the time among the holiday silent nights to surrender to the stars—did you know Southern Utah has some of the largest and deepest dark skies in the world? Get out and enjoy the miracle of snow that provides us beauty and fun, and after the spring thaw, manages to keep us hydrated. The lessons of our place are immediate and significant, if we only take the time to look, listen and learn.

College of MINES AND EARTH SCIENCES
Dean Darryl Butt

My personal resolution this year is to have a resolution that I can keep.  But I’ve decided to be really ambitious this year and commit to three resolutions.  I’m committed to…

  • Eat breakfast and lunch every day (I’ve been told that Odwalla bars don’t qualify).
  • Spend at least 15 minutes every week cleaning my office so that I at least give the appearance of being highly organized.
  • Exercise less because it just makes me hungry.

College of EDUCATION
Dean Elaine Clark

College of Education’s 2018 resolution is to challenge Betsy DeVos and the current administration to…

  • Ensure school communities where safety and civility are available to all children in ways that allow them to succeed and thrive.
  • Set and uphold high standards for the preparation and credentialing of teachers, regardless of their work in public, for-profit, charter or private schools.
  • Ensure all students have equitable access to education where fair and just treatment is expected regardless of race, ethnicity, nationality, religion, language, income, disability, or sexual orientation, among others.
  • Gain knowledge of, and uphold, the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act of 2004 and other legislation intended to ensure appropriate education for students with disabilities and those with unique and valued needs.
  • Prioritize funding to schools to increase salaries for teachers/staff, ensure administrative support, improve working conditions and provide advancement opportunities in ways that support all educators in their work.
  • Support Institutions of Higher Education that prepare highly qualified teachers and principals and safeguard support for the education of teacher candidates in high need schools and in areas such as Special Education and STEM.
  • Provide more funding for the preparation of teachers and other personnel from underrepresented groups, including those committed to work in their home communities.
  • Increase knowledge about current legislation that has potential to negatively impact educational services (e.g., postponing enactment of the Special Education Disproportionality Rule, altering Title I, ESSA regulations, and reducing equal internet access for K-12 and IHE’s).
  • Enable DREAMERS, and others who have immigrated to the United States, to remain in the country and achieve their dreams of an education, a job and quality of life.
  • Advocate on behalf of students and communities in opposition to efforts that obliterate education funding at the expense of generations of children.

David Eccles School of Business
Dean Taylor Randall

My 2018 New Year’s Resolution for the David Eccles School of Business is to start awarding our scholarships exclusively in Bitcoin (wink, wink). For me personally, I resolve to earn the “Most Improved” award at this year’s Eccles Business Open alumni golf tournament.

College of Social Work
Dean Martell Teasley

For my New Year’s resolution, I pledge to bring out the good side of faculty and staff — and they know what I mean! But after those meetings, I look forward to jumping “inte” 2018 with an integrative health focus, interprofessional collaborations and intelligent approaches to education, research and service.  This is an exciting direction for the College of Social Work. We are on the move!

College of Health
Dean David H. Perrin

You might say researchers, faculty, clinicians, students, and staff of the College of Health are in the New Year’s resolution business. I’m lucky to be surrounded by many people who eat fruits and vegetables, exercise, and watch their weight. Our careers have been devoted to helping people become healthy, fit, and resilient and stay that way. I am even luckier because it’s my job to help them become better at it.

Here are few things I’ve learned and tried – with varying degrees of success – to incorporate into my own life.

  • Go see your doctor more often: Staying healthy should be your top priority, but many people seem frightened of doctors and don’t go to the hospital or clinic nearly as often as they should, often waiting for their condition to significantly worsen. Regular checkups are a must no matter how you feel at the moment.
    Enough said.
  • Start eating healthier food, and less food overall: This is usually an extension of some previous resolution. Switching to a healthier diet can be incredibly tricky when we are surrounded by cheap junk food.
    I like popcorn.
  • Learn to cook better: Cooking is one of the essential skills that every man and woman should possess. It allows you to save money and eat the food you love just the way you like it.
    It doesn’t hurt that one of our departments, Nutrition and Integrative Physiology, has a full-on kitchen. It’s a laboratory.
  • Get in shape: Losing weight is the top resolution for Americans. Combined with “exercise more” and “stay fit and healthy,” it is something that over a third of the population wants to achieve. It’s easy enough to start an exercise and diet program, but the trick is to find a decent one that will give you steady results and will be easy to stick to in the long run. An important point: Stick with the good habits you have adopted.
    Our staff and students at PEAK have figured that out. Give ‘em a call.
  • Become more active: Some people don’t really have a big weight problem, and they even get some exercise a few times a week. The catch is they just sit around the most of the time at home and at work, which can have a negative effect on their posture and health. In that case, all you need is to find ways of moving around more throughout the day instead of staying hunched over the computer.
    Perhaps it’s a good thing, then, that the College of Health is spread across eight locations on campus. It helps us get a bit exercise.
  • Reinvent yourself: Sometimes serious changes are needed in your life. Reinventing yourself can give you a whole new perspective on life and take you in directions you may never have dreamed were possible.
    Bottom line: That’s what all of us at the College of Health help our clients, patients, and students do.

College of DENTISTRY
Dean Wyatt Hume

Personally, I will strive to remain very aware of all of the many positive things that happen here every day.  The patients who receive excellent care, the students and residents who learn to care for them, and the research scholars who improve care even more.  I will strive not to be too burdened by those few problems that naturally arise among a group of high achievers; the jockeying for space, the worries about financial priorities, the questions about who gets to peck at the birdseed first, and the (fortunately very few) disputes about who said what to whom, and why.  Institutionally, I will contribute to further fertilizing the ground, working towards that blossoming Spring day when colleagues in the two Schools, the three Colleges and the Eccles Library dance cheerfully forward, holding hands, as one integrated and harmonious family.  Sounds good to me.  Why not?